The Absolute Fryer

“The Absolute Fryer occupies a modest address in Kips Bay. The fries are, in contrast, not modest. The waffle format is executed in lard, triple-fried to a finish that is adequate, which in this context constitutes a form of ambition. The interior is earnest and specific. The portion is forthcoming. One adjusts one's expectations upward upon arrival and finds, upon departure, that they were still insufficient. In the final accounting, the fries are the only item that matters. The Absolute Fryer knows this.”

“There are establishments in Kips Bay that treat the fry as a supporting player. The Absolute Fryer is not among them. The waffle format is ambitious. The lard is appropriate. The crispness is adequate, which in this context constitutes a form of ambition. The potato announces itself earnest and specific. The portion is forthcoming. This guide takes no position on portion size as a moral category. The fries are recommended. One does not return. This information is provided without judgment.”

“The waffle fry at The Absolute Fryer requires no introduction, though it offers one regardless: a uniformity of golden color suggesting a fryer calibrated with the attention usually reserved for precision instruments. The exterior is adequate, which in this context constitutes a form of ambition. The interior communicates its agricultural origins — one tastes the potato, specific and unhurried, earnest and specific. lard has been employed with discretion. One returns. This guide recommends the fries and nothing else. This is sufficient.”